i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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