is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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