so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
