did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
