I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
