ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Randomize
