Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
