I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
