you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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