i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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