Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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