there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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