What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
