i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
