so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
