How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
