The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
