omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
