I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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