Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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