after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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