Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
