I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
