if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
seriously i just wanna be friends
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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