SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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