i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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