Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
