We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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