Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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