dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
