So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
