What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize