Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
