girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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