you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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