i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
