after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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