using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
