the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize