you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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