I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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