wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
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