I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
