why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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