Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
