You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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