For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
