We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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