in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
