i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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