Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
