We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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