what day is it and did you see me today?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
