saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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