You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
