All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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