i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I looked at my own cervix.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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