There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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