I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
