Just fell off a train. Bad.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
