What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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