i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
