I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
