We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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