There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
