Tell her she can't have a vagina
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize