She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
