he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
