Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
