who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am one with the molecules
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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