were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
