He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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